'Mum wants a $1k a month allowance': Mom of 6 requests 23-year-old college student daughter give her money for designer clothing and fast food

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    100 PB 22809373 OOL
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    I, F23, have just moved to another city for work and it pays really well for a new grad. It has been the subject of constant arguments during my 5 years of uni where my mum has expected that I pay and support her when I graduate.
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    I lived away from home for 5 years while studying, rarely visiting on weekends and sometimes never at all as I worked a hospitality job to support myself and would constantly give money to my mum to help her and 5 siblings out even though I don't live there. This is because I promised I would if she escapes an ab ive husband who was really brutal to all of us.
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    She doesn't want to work and she over spends what I used to send her. She buys designer clothing for my younger brother and so much junk food rather than just essentials. And she always asks for more. I put my foot down and say I won't help anymore especially when I graduate but I always end up being guilt tripped.
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    Now I have moved to another city, rent on my own, have finance on a car, have student loans and have to pay my own bills plus pay for my own travel to and attendance of professional development hours (at least 20 hrs a year) which cost tens of thousands in my profession. Plus I want to be able to afford a house, build my own family one day and have a good life.
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    Mum just called asking for a $1000 allowance a month and it will only cost me around $30 a day, her words. I said to her my siblings, all 5 of them, can work to earn $30 a day and still earn more than that and I will not be paying. I explained my situation and aspirations and said I did not birth her kids nor am I responsible for her. She has been
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    making do for years and she should keep to the basics to make do. If I had money, it's my right to save it and keep it to myself so that I can build my own life because it won't be fair to give it to others. If my mum supported me financially growing up I would have but she didnt. I paid her more money during uni than she ever did.
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    She is obviously upset and I think it's ridiculous that she expects an allowance like she has a right to it. So am I the a h le? TLDR: mum wants a 1k a month allowance and I don't think it's right
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    100 100 10100 THE UNITED STAT IN GOD ONE HUNDE
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    Commenters were utterly baffled why this person felt any guilt at all

    edebby NTA. You got me at "She doesn't want to work and she over spends what I used to send her". A person who doesn't want to work, and never financed his graduated kid during her amazing struggle of leaving far from home and financing her studies and life on her
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    own WHILE paying her lazy mom doesn't entitle to get anything, I'm sorry. You've turned your life around, all by yourself, and reached a point where supporting your mom will drag you back as you progressed enough in life where you need to carefully plan your spending to meet all your finance requirements - a thing your mom apparently doesn't
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    really understand at her old age. Your mom should start acting like a mom, and be responsible for her kids, which means TAKINMG A FREWAKING JOB and stop mooching money from her eldest kid who moved on. Don't want to work - give me a break, sheesh.
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    muppet_ofa No, you need to take care of yourself and if your siblings are of working age, they can start taking care of themselves, just like you did. The promise to help wasn't in perpetuity. It was until she got on her feet, she never tried to. Plenty of people. have kids and work a job. Be
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    prepared for this personality type to really put the guilt on you and then potentially utilize your siblings like bargaining chips. It's one thing to help, it's another to support them.
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    OrbitalPete NTA. You draw the line, and you stick to it. That $1000 a month, if you were to pay it would soon creep up to 1200, and so on. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Your mum is taking advantage of you.
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    You just have to realise that drawing this line might also be drawing a line under that relationship; it sounds like she sees you as an income source first of all, and with that getting cut away you may find her interest in any further relationship also goes away.
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    SchipperLeeLuv You are obviously NTA. What kind of mother expects their newly graduated 23year old to support them? She has serious issues. Block her if you have to and maybe call Child Protective Services for your siblings if she's not giving them proper food.
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    Competitive-Mud3... NTA. I'd say it's absolutely deplorable she emotionally extorted money from her child who was trying to get through college and better their life because she is too lazy to get a job. If you don't want to take care of kids, don't have them.
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    The fact that she has 6 kids and refuses to work while having no problem sabotaging your future for her own selfish gain tells me all I need to know. Stand your ground! You're doing so good and I'm proud of you for saying "enough is enough," and sticking to it.
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    NCKALA NTA. You are not your parent's retirement plan. Send her a list of your monthly bills and tell her that you were actually about to contact her to send you an allowance for a few years while you get on your feet.
  • 21
    Every time she calls, tell her you can't talk long coz your can't afford to use electricity so you are sitting in the dark, when she calls, tell her how hungry you are, how your feet hurt coz you need new shoes, how hot/cold you are coz you can't afford utilities. If you keep sending money, she will ask for more and more as your siblings need more and more. Stop.

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